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Radical Self-Love

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I used to not have any idea of what that actually meant- “self-love”. I thought that I could still live with the same perspectives, negative thought patterns, unwanted friendships and situations and somehow honor myself in the whole process. But how is that possible? Loving myself truly means investing time and effort into healing my past. Investing time and effort into re-calibrating my thought patterns about myself. Investing time and effort into everything that makes me feel good and happy (that also includes people). Loving myself is creating a beautiful, positive, trusting, loyal, committed, uplifting, supportive, passionate relationship with my inner self. It is giving myself 50% of the time and giving others the other 50%- making their experience with me 100% amazing.

What does this inner being want to do today? How do I want to show up? What do I want to experience? What do I want to create? If I listen actively enough, I will hear the answers and I will follow from there. It all starts within. What does your inner being want from you today? I challenge you to listen and follow.

“In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. The past has no power over me because I am willing to learn and to change. I see the past as necessary to bring me to where I am today. I am willing to begin where I am right now to clean the rooms of my mental house. I know it does not matter where I start, so I now begin with the smallest and the easiest rooms, and in that way I will see results quickly. I am thrilled to be in the middle of this adventure, for I know I will never go through this particular experience again. I am willing to set myself free. All is well in my world” – Louise L. Hay from You Can Heal Your Life.

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Can you SEE me?

SEE me through the eyes that are untainted.

Untainted by the beliefs that you have adopted from your mother and your father.

From your grandmother and your grandfather, your teachers, your gurus, your friends.

Can you SEE me with pure eyes?

The eyes that aren’t hiding the emotions that want to be expressed, but fear keeps them tamed.

Can you SEE me with an open heart?

The heart that isn’t blocked due to experiences from the past.

Can you SEE me in the HERE and NOW?

As I am? Not as you perceive me to be? Not avoiding to see me because it’s too scary to feel?

Can you SEE me the way you see the trees and the flowers?

Without judgement. Loving them and accepting them just as they are?

Not wanting to change any part of them?

Can you SEE me?

I see me through your eyes. You and I are connected. I feed you and you feed me. I love you and you love me. What are you feeding me? Do you know?

What am I feeding you? Love I hope.

 

Yearning

Yearning to be free

To run wild, untamed

Empowered by the life force of the earth

Naked

Overwhelmed by pleasure

Orgasming with every caress of a leaf

The roughness of the trees

The mud in between my toes

Ahh, the drops from the rain surging my lips

Ecstacy

Pure bliss

Returning back to innocence

With every ounce of my being

 

How I created my own suffering

I’ve noticed how my body has developed a protective shell all around in response to every experience I’ve had since I was little. A shell that sends out signals to my brain whenever an experience resembles one from years ago and triggers it. Even if it’s not relevant at all to what occurred in the past. It is my body that carries the tension and the cell memory.

At times it’s challenging to separate from this shell. To take a step back from it and observe it from the back seat. It is almost painful to see that I live inside this shell. A shell that is tense and stiff.

And why is it such a drag for me to get into my body and stretch? To relax… To move it. It is something I must do daily to begin relaxing my body. To release tension. To build flexibility. To love it up.

The journey of healing the body.

Today I felt Misinterpreted

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Confusion hit me while sitting on my desk at work wondering… does she appreciate the energy and intention that I put into this role? I felt her energy of frustration directed at me, and I took it in… doubting my own value in the general spectrum of the company. Why does it feel like she no longer wants me here? I asked myself.

I stuck with this feeling of ‘maybe I’m not good enough’. A few days of dreading and confusion went by… I questioned my own worth.

Until two weeks later, I finally had a conversation with an individual who is told many dramas and complaints in the company, aka: HR. She clearly and honestly repeated the observations that were said about me to her. In the beginning I was surprised and awoken into a new awareness. I had absolutely been overlooking the times I noted on my time cards! The times I had been late to work; the one day I had to leave for an hour for an emergency; and any sick days in the past! Okay… to my defense, who uses time cards nowadays? And if so, who keeps track of their OWN time cards? I just needed to get that out of my system…

The point of this story is that it’s a bit comical… As one person couldn’t face me with her truth, I felt her frustrated energy towards me and had the need to place it somewhere in my subconscious library. Even though her energy had nothing to do with me not being ‘good enough’, I interpreted it that way because that’s the belief that lives underneath my subconscious mind, and actively plays a role in how I perceive people’s actions towards me.

I am curious to know what story plays in her subconscious, since this obliviousness from my part upset her, yet she resisted facing me with the truth of how she felt.

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Today I felt misinterpreted. I personally wouldn’t have lied on my time card if I had been paying attention, but I wasn’t given the opportunity to express that. A part of me feels embarrassed by the thought that others may have perceived me as a cheater ~ taking advantage of the system. But that feeling is so mild compared to the motivation I now have to clear the energy with her.

Tomorrow I will approach her and lovingly ask if we can talk. I will be honest about my obliviousness, and offer to deduct the non-worked hours from my next time card. I will apologize for past discrepancies and express my commitment to keep track of my hours more closely from here on.

I am grateful for this lesson, for it brought me awareness of my own subconscious belief of ‘I’m not good enough’ and how much of a role it plays in my life if I’m not watching it. I’m also grateful for the clarity I received today about the time cards’ discrepancies and my responsibility to keep track of it closer.

Bottom line is: Misinterpretation can be avoided with direct, honest communication. If this conversation would have happened two weeks ago when the situation first came into existence, she would have released any frustration and misinterpretation that she has had towards me, AND I wouldn’t have felt devalued and unworthy in the process. We both could have cleared the air and felt understood and honored by one another.

On the other hand, it was a great opportunity to see other parts of myself and bring them to the light. I choose to believe that everything happens for my highest good and as long as I’m looking for the gift in every situation, I will continue growing and expanding further into my highest Self.

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What Else Is Possible?

Do you dare to dream?

Sometimes we get so caught up in the human experience of our every day lives, routines, thoughts and emotions… feeling like we are victims to our own lives and forgetting to reconsider… to dream of what else is possible.

Life is a fairy tale! A fairy tale composed of what we think and believe in our hearts. So, why not dream of what we truly want to experience? If you really believe it, it may just come true. There is no other option when it comes to the universal law. It can only say yes. So I dare you! I dare you to try it out. I dare you to play with it. I dare you to dream of the possibilities that you never thought possible. I dare you to have faith and believe that they ARE possible. I dare you to wait and see. I dare you to know that you deserve to live your dreams ❤
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The Perception Of “There’s Not Enough Time”

What does the belief of ‘not having enough time’ show up as?

Stress, resistance, overwhelm, victimization, complaint, blow up, blame, anxiety, disease, depression, exhaustion, burn out, fear, suppression, isolation, anger, mental absence, lost of control, rushing through life.

But is time truly to blame for all this?

There is an abundance of time. Time is limitless. Time sits still when we are sitting still. Time becomes productive when we are productive. Time flies by when we’re not paying attention to it. Time is consistent even when we are inconsistent. So, how is there ‘not enough time’?

Time turns into an excuse when parts of our lives are out of balance; when we are unable to say NO. When we aren’t clear on what’s most important to us. When we are resistant to change. When we over-commit because of fear. When we put everything else before our own self-care and well-being. When we are afraid of taking the leap into what we truly desire. When we don’t have a clear vision/intention. When we’re not paying attention or living in the present moment. When we are diseased. When we are depressed. When we have expectations based on fear from the outside world. All of these aspects also correlate with one another and there are deeper roots to them, but for now, simply bringing the awareness that the belief that ‘there’s not enough time’ it’s simply an illusion, it’s sufficient. It’s simply what we have labeled all of the fears that underlie our thoughts and our actions.

We have control over time. Time, just like money & religion, was created by man to control humanity, because in man’s head ‘we needed a system’ that made sense. Therefore we can take back our control and overcome the power of time.

And how do we do this?

First and for most, by getting back into our true selves. By realizing that we are connected to the earth and all of nature. By getting in touch with our bodies and listening to its signals, sensations, messages. By releasing the parts of us and our lives that bring us out of balance. By making healthful choices. By building the courage to say no. By making our health and well-being our priority. By doing what feels good. By building the courage to follow our hearts and desires. By speaking clearly about our thoughts and needs. By living in the moment. By releasing expectations based on fear. By being fully present in all that we do. By focusing on our heart intentions, instead of intentions that are affected by the belief that ‘there’s not enough time’.

There is always more than enough time! No more blaming the illusion of time  for not being in our favor. It’s time to wake up and begin seeing where in our lives we are complaining that there is not enough time and begin asking ourselves ‘how did I end up here’? ‘how do I feel’? ‘what do I believe, which led me to make this decision, which led me to believe that there’s not enough time’?

Namaste

The Protectress

The Protectress within is like a wild being;

No rules, no boundaries, no higher seeing.

Pure instinct, full expression and roar!

Not thinking of the consequences that pour.

The Protectress only means well;

She stands up for the feelings that are unveiled.

She has a fire that never burns;

Her power rises when there’s a hurt.

The Protectress can only be tamed with love and care;

Soft sounds, soothing water, nourishment and touch that is heartfelt.

Her higher WOMAN is her master;

She guides her, honors her and loves her.

She appreciates her for protecting;

And she lovingly gives her direction for her needed presence.

The Protectress is powerful!

When she’s in the right place and the right time, she can move the world!

Higher WOMAN: awareness and guidance is your realm.

warrior goddess